OT - Jokes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 30 May 2009, 09:04 pm   #1 (permalink)
Conscience
Guest
  • Posts: n/a
  • User Status:


Default OT - Jokes

What do you say to a Bass player in a three piece suit? "Will the
defendant please rise?"

Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother
always kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One
day he came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did
numbers, and most kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"
"That's
Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass
player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.

The next
day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet,
and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to
Z!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a
bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.

The
next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today
They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a
bass player?"
"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."


Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper? 
A. An optimist.

Q. What do you call a bass player on the front porch?
A. The pizza delivery guy

A bass player goes to the optometrist, and the doctor says "You really
need to stop masturbating." The man, a little worried, asks the doctor,
"why... am I going blind?" "No," says the doctor. "But you're
disturbing everyone else in the waiting room."

Q. How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
A. Pay for the pizza.

Q. If a drummer and a bass guitarist caught a cab, which one would be
the musician?
A. The cab driver.


Q - How do you confuse a bassist?
A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!

Q -* How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A -* None, The Lead player can do it with his teeth.

Q -* What's the definition of a bass player?
A -* Halfway between a drummer and a musician.

Q -* What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just
eaten a tin of baked beans?
A -* One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the
other is a rhino.

  Reply With Quote
Old 30 May 2009, 09:47 pm   #2 (permalink)
Hachiroku $B%O%A%m%/(B
Guest
  • Posts: n/a
  • User Status:


Default Re: OT - Jokes

On Sat, 30 May 2009 18:04:04 -0700, Conscience wrote:

>
> What do you say to a Bass player in a three piece suit? "Will the
> defendant please rise?"


NOW JUST A COTTON-PICKIN' MINUTE!!!!!

I didn't *wear* a three-piece suit...


  Reply With Quote
Old 31 May 2009, 01:47 am   #3 (permalink)
Jack G
Guest
  • Posts: n/a
  • User Status:


Default Re: OT - Jokes - another one -

A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost
of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. As they are led up
and down the barely distinguishable trail by their native guides, they
notice the ceaseless pounding of native drums. As they venture further
into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks.

The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's
only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very bad if drums stop."

The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into
the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives
awake and run screaming from the campsite, covering their ears.
The scientists stop one of them and demand, "What is it? What is it?
The drums have stopped!"

The terror-stricken fellow replies "Yes! Drums stop! Very bad!"

The scientists ask, "Why? Why? What will happen?"

Wild-eyed in terror, the native responds,

" . . . bass solo!"

Jack G.

"Conscience" <nobama@gv.com> wrote in message
news:gvsl24$s4h$1@news.albasani.net...
> What do you say to a Bass player in a three piece suit? "Will the
> defendant please rise?"
>
> Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother always
> kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One day he came
> home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most
> kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"?"That's Great Johnny!" his
> mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"?Excited, Johnny ran
> upstairs and practiced the bass.??The next day, Johnny came home
> saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped
> at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"?"That's Great Johnny!" his mother
> replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"?Excited, Johnny ran
> upstairs and practiced the bass.??The next day, Johnny came home excited
> once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in
> my class! Is that because I'm a bass player?"?"No Johnny," his Mother
> said, "That's because you're 28."
>
>
> Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper? ?A. An optimist.
>
> Q. What do you call a bass player on the front porch??A. The pizza
> delivery guy
>
> A bass player goes to the optometrist, and the doctor says "You really
> need to stop masturbating." The man, a little worried, asks the doctor,
> "why... am I going blind?" "No," says the doctor. "But you're disturbing
> everyone else in the waiting room."
>
> Q. How do you get a bass player off your doorstep??A. Pay for the pizza.
>
> Q. If a drummer and a bass guitarist caught a cab, which one would be the
> musician?
> A. The cab driver.
>
>
> Q - How do you confuse a bassist?
> A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!
>
> Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
> A - None, The Lead player can do it with his teeth.
>
> Q - What's the definition of a bass player?
> A - Halfway between a drummer and a musician.
>
> Q - What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten
> a tin of baked beans?
> A - One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the
> other is a rhino.
>



  Reply With Quote
Old 31 May 2009, 10:31 am   #4 (permalink)
Conscience
Guest
  • Posts: n/a
  • User Status:


Default Re: OT - Jokes - another one -

On 2009-05-30 22:47:56 -0700, "Jack G" <remove.jgrouell@comcast.net> said:

> A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost
> of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. As they are led up
> and down the barely distinguishable trail by their native guides, they
> notice the ceaseless pounding of native drums. As they venture further
> into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks.
>
> The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's
> only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very bad if drums stop."
>
> The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into
> the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives
> awake and run screaming from the campsite, covering their ears.
> The scientists stop one of them and demand, "What is it? What is it?
> The drums have stopped!"
>
> The terror-stricken fellow replies "Yes! Drums stop! Very bad!"
>
> The scientists ask, "Why? Why? What will happen?"
>
> Wild-eyed in terror, the native responds,
>
> " . . . bass solo!"


Nice. <g>

  Reply With Quote
Old 31 May 2009, 12:54 pm   #5 (permalink)
Jeff Strickland
Guest
  • Posts: n/a
  • User Status:


Default Re: OT - Jokes

Q. Do you know why New Jersey has all of the toxic waste dumps and New York
has the bass players?
A. New Jersey got first choice.

Q. What do you call 100 bass players at the bottom of San Francisco Bay?
A. A good start.




"Conscience" <nobama@gv.com> wrote in message
news:gvsl24$s4h$1@news.albasani.net...
> What do you say to a Bass player in a three piece suit? "Will the
> defendant please rise?"
>
> Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother always
> kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One day he came
> home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most
> kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"?"That's Great Johnny!" his
> mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"?Excited, Johnny ran
> upstairs and practiced the bass.??The next day, Johnny came home
> saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped
> at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"?"That's Great Johnny!" his mother
> replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"?Excited, Johnny ran
> upstairs and practiced the bass.??The next day, Johnny came home excited
> once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in
> my class! Is that because I'm a bass player?"?"No Johnny," his Mother
> said, "That's because you're 28."
>
>
> Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper? ?A. An optimist.
>
> Q. What do you call a bass player on the front porch??A. The pizza
> delivery guy
>
> A bass player goes to the optometrist, and the doctor says "You really
> need to stop masturbating." The man, a little worried, asks the doctor,
> "why... am I going blind?" "No," says the doctor. "But you're disturbing
> everyone else in the waiting room."
>
> Q. How do you get a bass player off your doorstep??A. Pay for the pizza.
>
> Q. If a drummer and a bass guitarist caught a cab, which one would be the
> musician?
> A. The cab driver.
>
>
> Q - How do you confuse a bassist?
> A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!
>
> Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
> A - None, The Lead player can do it with his teeth.
>
> Q - What's the definition of a bass player?
> A - Halfway between a drummer and a musician.
>
> Q - What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten
> a tin of baked beans?
> A - One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the
> other is a rhino.
>



  Reply With Quote
Old 31 May 2009, 01:05 pm   #6 (permalink)
Conscience
Guest
  • Posts: n/a
  • User Status:


Default Re: OT - Jokes

On 2009-05-31 09:54:57 -0700, "Jeff Strickland" <crwlrjeff@yahoo.com> said:

> Q. Do you know why New Jersey has all of the toxic waste dumps and New York
> has the bass players?
> A. New Jersey got first choice.
>
> Q. What do you call 100 bass players at the bottom of San Francisco Bay?
> A. A good start.



There was a poor ragged bass guitarist panhandling for spare change on
a street corner. One day someone came by and threw a brass lamp into
his guitar case.

Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and offered the bass player
three wishes. "I wish I was a better musician", said the bass man. Next
thing he knew he was in a band that was cutting its first CD and had a
loyal following.

He was pretty happy, but he wanted more. "I wish I was an even better
musician", said the bassist. Before long he was playing on an extended
world tour in front of tens of thousands of adoring fans. He was
ecstatic, but he wanted even more.

"Genie", he said, "make me an even BETTER musician!" Poof! He found
himself standing on his old street corner . . . playing drums.

  Reply With Quote

Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:02 am.

Attribution:
Autoblog
Powered by Yahoo Answers



ToyotaLexusForum.com is an unofficial community for car enthusiasts. ToyotaLexusForum.com is not affiliated with Toyota Motor Corporation in any way.
Toyota Motor Corporation does not sponsor, support, or endorse ToyotaLexusForum.com in any way.
Copyright/trademark/sales mark infringements are not intended or implied.